No-name tissues are the devil.

CD 20. 8 DPO. Nothing exciting to report. I've stayed out of the galleries so far this cycle so I'm proud of that. And I'll be busy at a wedding all weekend so won't have time to obsess. I plan to test Saturday morning just to see whether or not I can drink, then I'll wait out AF.

Non-TTC-related: I have a cold. Summer colds are the worst. I want to die.

 

And that's all I have to say about that.

The Adventures of Kroll the Warrior King...

Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off.

CD13. Positive OPK last night, so pretty sure today is O day. Just waiting for crosshairs.

This weekend is my cousin's bachelorette party. I am effing excited.

Tequila may be the death of me. I can take it without flinching and without needing a chaser, and it's been known to bring out my competitive streak when doing shots with "tough guys" who just can't handle the stuff. I'm supposed to meet SIL on Saturday afternoon to help make wedding favours, but if this bachelorette is anything like mine was, I will be in no shape to do anything the next day. I may be BWI very early Saturday morning. I apologize in advance for what will likely be several incoherent posts.

Fielding Questions.

CD 10. Time to start peeing on OPKs and try out the Preseed.

Went to a wedding this weekend for DH's good friend from college. It was a lot of fun to get caught up with friends we haven't seen since our wedding in August. Got all dressed up, cried happy tears, ate delicious food, chatted a lot, danced up a storm and drank too much wine. Good times. Only problem was all the inevitable baby questions. "When is the baby coming?", "I'm amazed you aren't pregnant yet", "What are you waiting for?", "I so though you guys would get pregnant right after the wedding!". Eff. Right. Off. I answered with some variance of "We'll get there, just waiting on job/house/etc".

I would really like to go back and undo all the times I've asked friends and family when they will have babies and why they are waiting so long. I honestly had no idea how much it could sting. I'm trying to remember that people don't know that we have been trying, and that their questions and comments come from a good place. But it's effing annoying. 

Just hanging around...

CD5.
Waiting.
Waiting.
Waiting.

AF needs to GTFO. My Preseed just came in the mail and I'm dying to try it out. 

Well, that'll teach me.

So after letting myself getting all newb-optimistic about last cycle (implantation dip? Come on, Daisy, you know better than that), it looks like we're back to square one. I wasted far too much time chart stalking to see if mine looked anything like anyone else's pregnancy charts (because obviously if it looks the same, I must be pregnant too, right? FFS, I'm a moron), and I peed on too many sticks. No more reading in to things. It just makes me crazy, and then I feel like an idiot. From now on, I'm being completely rational and objective about TTC. I figure this will last about three days, and then I'll be back in the chart galleries again.

Looking to the bright side of CD1, at least the $40 I dropped on a Divacup last cycle isn't going completely to waste. Also I have three weddings within a month of each other, and a bachelorette party, so at least I don't have to worry about who will notice that I'm not drinking. I plan on getting white-girl wasted at all events.

This is gonna be my year

I can just feel it. Things are happening. I am in the hiring pools for two separate school boards, and I just sent of a ridiculous number of applications to individual schools. All of which are in my second choice school board, but I'm still waiting to hear from my first choice. At this point I'll be happy with whatever I can get. So now that the application process is out of my hands, it's on to the waiting game again. But I have a good feeling about this. I really think this is going to be my year. If I get a job with the board, it'll be almost double my current salary, I'll be with my favourite age group (love those 4- and 5-year olds!), and I'll have summers off. This is seriously my dream job. And all the schools I'm applying to are back closer to my hometown, which is exciting. I love the city I'm in now, but I'm ready to be back closer to family again.

On a more TTC-related note, my chart is still making me twitchy. Temp drop at 7DPO, then big jump at 8DPO, and now just a teeny-tiny drop today (still way above my coverline). I cannot stop chart stalking. Originally I was planning on holding out testing until Friday, but now that my temps are messing with my head this much I'm totally starting tomorrow. Here goes nothing!

Reading too much into things...

So today, at 7DPO (I think; my chart is a hot mess), I had a huge temp drop. Huge. As in, yesterday my temp was 97.90, and today it's 97.21. Far below my coverline. My first thought at 5:45am (which is really too early to be thinking anything at all) was "Damn. Looks like I'm out this cycle". But then when I actually woke up at 9, all I could think was "Ooh, maybe it's implantation! Maybe my chart will become triphasic! Maybe I'm actually pregnant!" So now I'm obsessively stalking pregnancy charts on Fertility Friend, trying to convince myself I'm wrong. Or that I'm right. Actually I'm not sure what I'm trying to convince myself.

I hate the waiting game.

On another note, yesterday was SIL's bridal shower. One of the gifts she opened included wine, lingerie, a vibrator, and a pregnancy test. A pretty expensive digital one. When she commented that it would likely expire before she needed it, I had to stop myself from offering to take it off her hands. I mean, come on. I might need it! And I'm way too cheap to splurge that much on something I'm just going to pee on.
Also I am so stealing that gift idea for the next bridal shower I have to endure (but probably minus the test, and plus a bottle of wine). A little embarrassment for the bride goes a long way when it comes to making a shower more interesting! 

I Think Too Much.

Sometimes I think I think too much. There are times that I ask my husband what he is thinking about, and he responds with "nothing". Once I asked him if he really meant nothing, and he said that his mind was actually blank at that moment. He really wasn't thinking about anything at all. That baffles me. I don't think my mind has ever been blank for one second. Usually I am thinking about several different things at once, and I feel like I just can't relax.

So now I'm starting this blog. I'm hoping it'll be a way for me to get some of my thoughts out of my head and on to paper (OK, a computer), and I'm hoping to be at least somewhat entertaining as well. I'll chronicle what is going on in my life (which at the moment is consumed with attempting to make a tiny human), and hopefully someone out there can relate.

A little about me: I am 26 years old, have been married since August 2012, and I teach preschool, though I am trying my best to get into the school board in a Kindergarten class. My husband and I met when I was 15 (he was 14), and we have been together ever since. We started trying to conceive our first in December of 2012. I knew it could take awhile, but here we are 6 months in and nothing. While I know realistically it can take a perfectly healthy couple up to a year to conceive, I can't help but be frustrated. I'm a planner by nature (I was already planning details of my wedding and dream home when I was 8, and have a ridiculously long list of baby names I've been collecting most of my life), and I have a hard time with the fact that there is really nothing I can do to make TTC go any faster. So for now I'm trying to accept that I'm doing everything I can to make it happen, and someday it will. I hope.